So here I am, sitting my corner office and staring at another failed attempt at creating a project plan. I’m expected to edit this as part of a “peer-review” and provide comments by the end of the week. I don’t know how much of a “peer” I am, but based on the level of gaps I am seeing in this overly complicated task list that’s pretending to be a project file – this poor PM should be receiving my critique, chock-full of PMBOK page references (that I simply made up) and find himself either crying, overloaded with re-work, or both by this time tomorrow.
I write my final comments using the track changes feature of Microsoft Word, ensuring to change my feedback to a difficult color to read on the screen; magenta today to match the argyle on my socks – and my favorite critiquing font; Comic Sans, before sending the feedback on its way. A smile spreads across my face, and I fantasize about all of the ways I could share this story of failure at the next board meeting.
A good morning I think to myself as I relax with my lemon water; no ice. You see; I’m not a bad guy, I just take happiness in the abuse of logic for personal and career gain, and try to constantly achieve the best combination of laziness and efficiency to achieve my desired results. I haven’t been called out, because by nature – I am right, and the abuse of logic so subtle that the newly minted PMPs don’t stand a chance against me.
I am the evil project manager.
I exist in every organization, and I’m here to stay. I am not a parasite, no, I don’t spread and hurt the host; quite the contrary. I am producing strategically aligned results – the only problem is, who the strategy is aligned around – ME.
All is not lost however, you have weapons that can shrink my power, and narrow my range of influence. Chief amongst them is clear thinking, a sharp mind, and a good handle on how I attack so you can plan your best defense. Stay tuned to this blog as I reveal tips, tricks, and your best defence when you walk into my world, see me sitting across you at a table, or hear my voice on a conference call.
Until then; stay evil.